Log in

No account? Create an account
bewitched, bothered & bewildered

It's been an unhealthily obscene amount of time since I've logged onto this journal, and too devastatingly long since I've talked to some of you, read some of your journals, and I've missed it like burning hell.

I don't know what to say. I have apologies, I have excuses, I have pleas, perhaps I should exhaust the stock slowly? I've been busy to an extent that's probably not physically or mentally befitting for a lazy sixteen year old like me, I've had so much to deal with, friends, more-than-friends, school festivals, school council (or however you'd call it), and studies, to top it off, and this period of hell, these 2-3 months of no sleep and midnight (and further) serenades to books and pixels, of torturous stress, of hours of uncut film shot, pages of research for essays written, hours of training for a drama competition conducted and notebookfulls of homework left unfinished all a confused blur in my head have both taken away so much and given me so much I'm no quite sure what's left to think (what's left to be).

I would say I've changed, though I'm not quite certain I have. Everything has around me though: everythings aged in the world which you've left untouched for so long, and friends are growing slowly apart, both lj and rl. So now the ordeal, so to speak, is over, I'm trying to regain control. Trying to think of something other than work and what I have to finish by the next day and what I've left undone (unsaid) and time to go, do things, live, immerse myself in this virtual habitat that's taught me, made me experience more than anything else, anywhere else ever could. And I hope, you guys will take me back?

This is the last entry on janierotten. I want to leave certain things behind, pristine (perhaps deteriorating into an abyss of emo towards the end, nonetheless--) and leave certain memories aside, start again with a new outlook, with a new energy, with a renewed attempt: to find myself, find the art, find the energy, find the passion, find that fiery obsession again.

-is my new abode, now. It's been groomed, styled, nitpicked, swarmed with quotes, lyrics, appropriately adorned and decorated, tweezed and plucked and chiseled and perfected to my obsessive compulsive satisfaction, and it still has a long way to go (a profile containing text other than latin dummy and a real entry would be an encouraging start). I'm not entirely sure how to go about the whole adding process, do I add you, do you add me? And in the end I've decided to leave it to choice. This is an open invitation, add me on lasfallas and I'll friend back right away. (My insecurities/ paranoia however, are forcing me to add some people first, certain people I wouldn't want to embark on a new livejournal without, so forgive me if I make so bold a move).

I want this to work out so badly, but I'm afraid. Afraid the last weak link I have to you has already been irreparably erased, or that I won't find the words anymore, or this new journal will be overly pretentious or mind numbingly boring. But I need to find that passion, that exuberance that I've lost in an ocean of work so heavy the pressure numbs you. With football about to start soon, and work easing up, there's no better time than now, right?

I think I'll end this now, because even though there is much left unsaid, about what has happened, what will happen, what I feel, for all of you, I'll never be brave enough to try and put word to such emotion, and I end, fittingly, I hope, with a toast-

-a toast; (here's to) to new beginnings, and old friends i'd never let go.
♥: anxiousanxious
♪♫: Voxtrot - Firecracker
bewitched, bothered & bewildered
30 June 2008 @ 02:09 am
You know, mocasines is right. I still can't believe he's ours. Fernando fucking Torres. Liverpool's fucking Fernando fucking Torres.
♪♫: this is the sound of my head exploding with hapiness
bewitched, bothered & bewildered
paula and saheli are making me do this. probably desperately seeking revenge for making them talk about well endowed europeans and dildos and what not. i shudder at what i might get. but oh, well.

1. it begins with a list of all twenty-six letters of the alphabet.
2. comment with something for me to talk about that starts with one of those letters. make me babble about anything — tv shows, actors, actresses, food, idk, be creative.
3. one topic per letter — it's like a claims list!
4. i will post a new post talking about all twenty-six topics given to me. or, you know, try to.
bewitched, bothered & bewildered
13 June 2008 @ 02:53 pm
I have an apology to make.

I was stupid, I was angry, I was wrong, wrong, wrong, and I don't think you'll ever forgive me but I really hope you will, and I don't know what else to say because I'm so bad at this and I'm so tired and so confused and I just want you to know that I'm really, really, really sorry for what  said. And that I still want to be your friend. I really do. I wish I knew what else to say but I don't, so I'm just. Sorry.

♥: guiltyguilty
bewitched, bothered & bewildered
11 June 2008 @ 03:16 pm

♥: contemplativecontemplative
bewitched, bothered & bewildered
24 May 2008 @ 11:24 am
(please, come in, sip some hot chai, and tell me: what's been up in your respective lives?)

bewitched, bothered & bewildered
16 May 2008 @ 05:14 am
hiatus- till may 23. river rafting. post important stuff here? will miss you guys lots. ♥
bewitched, bothered & bewildered
...an incentive, if you may. a call and a desperate cry. keep me entertained. (can't you smell summer in the air?) ♥

Top Commenters on janierotten's LiveJournal
(Of users in friends list)
1mocasines154 154
2parallelkites94 94
3pirlazza86 86
4pressao51 51
5aeroporto43 43
6psychoticpoopie37 37
7pendules34 34
8nahco333 33
9clermontoise31 31
10rhetoricwords26 26
11-40Collapse )
Total Commenters: 51 (11 not shown)
Total Comments: 1422

Report generated 5/10/2008 9:25:12 AM by scrapdog's LJ Comment Stats Wizard 1.7

This is a war cry. (I am bored).

♥: bouncybouncy