Hello.
It's been an unhealthily obscene amount of time since I've logged onto this journal, and too devastatingly long since I've talked to some of you, read some of your journals, and I've missed it like burning hell.
I don't know what to say. I have apologies, I have excuses, I have pleas, perhaps I should exhaust the stock slowly? I've been busy to an extent that's probably not physically or mentally befitting for a lazy sixteen year old like me, I've had so much to deal with, friends, more-than-friends, school festivals, school council (or however you'd call it), and studies, to top it off, and this period of hell, these 2-3 months of no sleep and midnight (and further) serenades to books and pixels, of torturous stress, of hours of uncut film shot, pages of research for essays written, hours of training for a drama competition conducted and notebookfulls of homework left unfinished all a confused blur in my head have both taken away so much and given me so much I'm no quite sure what's left to think (what's left to be).
I would say I've changed, though I'm not quite certain I have. Everything has around me though: everythings aged in the world which you've left untouched for so long, and friends are growing slowly apart, both lj and rl. So now the ordeal, so to speak, is over, I'm trying to regain control. Trying to think of something other than work and what I have to finish by the next day and what I've left undone (unsaid) and time to go, do things, live, immerse myself in this virtual habitat that's taught me, made me experience more than anything else, anywhere else ever could. And I hope, you guys will take me back?
This is the last entry on![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif)
janierotten. I want to leave certain things behind, pristine (perhaps deteriorating into an abyss of emo towards the end, nonetheless--) and leave certain memories aside, start again with a new outlook, with a new energy, with a renewed attempt: to find myself, find the art, find the energy, find the passion, find that fiery obsession again.
-is my new abode, now. It's been groomed, styled, nitpicked, swarmed with quotes, lyrics, appropriately adorned and decorated, tweezed and plucked and chiseled and perfected to my obsessive compulsive satisfaction, and it still has a long way to go (a profile containing text other than latin dummy and a real entry would be an encouraging start). I'm not entirely sure how to go about the whole adding process, do I add you, do you add me? And in the end I've decided to leave it to choice. This is an open invitation, add me onlasfallas and I'll friend back right away. (My insecurities/ paranoia however, are forcing me to add some people first, certain people I wouldn't want to embark on a new livejournal without, so forgive me if I make so bold a move).
I want this to work out so badly, but I'm afraid. Afraid the last weak link I have to you has already been irreparably erased, or that I won't find the words anymore, or this new journal will be overly pretentious or mind numbingly boring. But I need to find that passion, that exuberance that I've lost in an ocean of work so heavy the pressure numbs you. With football about to start soon, and work easing up, there's no better time than now, right?
I think I'll end this now, because even though there is much left unsaid, about what has happened, what will happen, what I feel, for all of you, I'll never be brave enough to try and put word to such emotion, and I end, fittingly, I hope, with a toast-
It's been an unhealthily obscene amount of time since I've logged onto this journal, and too devastatingly long since I've talked to some of you, read some of your journals, and I've missed it like burning hell.
I don't know what to say. I have apologies, I have excuses, I have pleas, perhaps I should exhaust the stock slowly? I've been busy to an extent that's probably not physically or mentally befitting for a lazy sixteen year old like me, I've had so much to deal with, friends, more-than-friends, school festivals, school council (or however you'd call it), and studies, to top it off, and this period of hell, these 2-3 months of no sleep and midnight (and further) serenades to books and pixels, of torturous stress, of hours of uncut film shot, pages of research for essays written, hours of training for a drama competition conducted and notebookfulls of homework left unfinished all a confused blur in my head have both taken away so much and given me so much I'm no quite sure what's left to think (what's left to be).
I would say I've changed, though I'm not quite certain I have. Everything has around me though: everythings aged in the world which you've left untouched for so long, and friends are growing slowly apart, both lj and rl. So now the ordeal, so to speak, is over, I'm trying to regain control. Trying to think of something other than work and what I have to finish by the next day and what I've left undone (unsaid) and time to go, do things, live, immerse myself in this virtual habitat that's taught me, made me experience more than anything else, anywhere else ever could. And I hope, you guys will take me back?
This is the last entry on
janierotten. I want to leave certain things behind, pristine (perhaps deteriorating into an abyss of emo towards the end, nonetheless--) and leave certain memories aside, start again with a new outlook, with a new energy, with a renewed attempt: to find myself, find the art, find the energy, find the passion, find that fiery obsession again. -is my new abode, now. It's been groomed, styled, nitpicked, swarmed with quotes, lyrics, appropriately adorned and decorated, tweezed and plucked and chiseled and perfected to my obsessive compulsive satisfaction, and it still has a long way to go (a profile containing text other than latin dummy and a real entry would be an encouraging start). I'm not entirely sure how to go about the whole adding process, do I add you, do you add me? And in the end I've decided to leave it to choice. This is an open invitation, add me on
lasfallas and I'll friend back right away. (My insecurities/ paranoia however, are forcing me to add some people first, certain people I wouldn't want to embark on a new livejournal without, so forgive me if I make so bold a move).I want this to work out so badly, but I'm afraid. Afraid the last weak link I have to you has already been irreparably erased, or that I won't find the words anymore, or this new journal will be overly pretentious or mind numbingly boring. But I need to find that passion, that exuberance that I've lost in an ocean of work so heavy the pressure numbs you. With football about to start soon, and work easing up, there's no better time than now, right?
I think I'll end this now, because even though there is much left unsaid, about what has happened, what will happen, what I feel, for all of you, I'll never be brave enough to try and put word to such emotion, and I end, fittingly, I hope, with a toast-
-a toast; (here's to) to new beginnings, and old friends i'd never let go.
♥: 
anxious
anxious♪♫: Voxtrot - Firecracker
33 impossibly intriciate insolvable dilemmas | what ho, jeeves!
guilty
contemplative
154
bouncy